Friday, November 23, 2012

:: 9 Weeks ::


:: 10-17-12 ::

Welcome to 9 weeks!

Dear baby,

Not too much happening in the belly growth department. 
My pants are a little snug, but still nothing major. 
Lots happening INSIDE the belly though. :)

Tonight I had a mental breakdown and started crying a lot. 
I've just been feeling in and out of a depression like state and 
I think it has to do with being so sick, not feeling like myself, 
not being able to workout, being uncomfortable, and pondering all these life changes.
Thankfully your daddy is a wise one and came to my rescue. 
He consoled me and reassured me that all this is happening at a really great time. 
And that it's exactly what we've been wanting.
Wait, what? Really?! Sickness, pain, struggle, emotions... yes even those. 
While going through all this I'm reminded of my heavenly Father
and the pain he endured in order to see too it that I became His. 
Through the pain He has a way of showing us a glimpse of His heart: and it is beautiful. 

I feel like I'm in a never ending stage of asking, 
"will this too really pass?" 
Part of me is hopeful, but another part is terrified that it won't for some reason.
I wonder if I'm the only first timer who has crazy fears like this. 
To name a few:
Am I never going to feel like myself again?
Is pregnancy going to leave me feeling sick ALWAYS?
Will I never like food the same again?
Am I made to be a mom?
God, are you sure you meant to make me a women? 

Pregnancy is quite the shocker, at least for me it has been. 
I feel like I'm living out of necessity and need instead of want. 
Which I think is a good life lesson in the long run.  

I said it in a previous post, but I think it deserves saying again, 
I have SO MUCH more respect for moms now. 
How can I not! Those who've gone before me I look up to you a lot. 
You give me hope that Joy does come in the mo(u)rning. 
How can pregnancy NOT make you stronger? 
I sure hope it makes me stronger. 
I hope my character changes for the better. 
I hope my love grows deeper. 
I hope it's ironing out some wrinkles in me.
I really hope I'm going to be a good mommy.

:: 10-18-12 ::

So far the nausea medicine has helped. It has had the side effect of making
me quite sleepy. Today was a pretty good day. 
I didn't have to take the medicine today. 
Although I got a little sick after lunch I was still good to go without. 

Please forgive me if I haven't been myself lately. 
I think when the news comes out a bunch of you will be saying,
"oh THAT'S why..." ;P

I really look forward to telling the world, because
I think it will help me not feel as a lone.
I have a lot of questions, a lots of wonders,
and confiding in some family and friends will be helpful.
It's so hard to not tell my dear mom.
I can't wait to hear all that she has to tell me.
She's always so encouraging, and I'm realizing I'm needing that right now.
We're planning on waiting till Thanksgiving to spill the beans.
That feels like forever away!
5 more weeks! Do you think I can hold out!? Let's hope!

:: 10-19-12 ::

Today was a good day. Felt sick only a few times.
On the other hand though, I swear my belly grew today
Today was jeans day at work, and I wore some jeans that have been quite loose on my waist.
Throughout the day I kept getting more and more uncomfortable in my chair.
I kept feeling like I had to sit straight up (which I guess is a good thing),
but I was very uncomfortable.
Towards the end of the day it dawned on me to try and unbutton my pants. So I did.
Low and behold that did the trick! I didn't even realize my pants had gotten so tight.
Once I unbuttoned them I felt like a new person. ha!
I guess it's time I find that belly band thing. I'm sure it's common to feel bigger as the day goes by,
because that's been happening to me, but today just seems different. ;)

Also, I think I found a dress to wear for our announcement/Christmas pictures.
That's exciting! Just hope I don't change my mind, which could very well happen depending on
the form my body takes in the next couple of weeks.
Also, it's fun, because the girl taking our photos has no idea I'm pregnant
so I'll be spilling the beans to her on that day.

:: 10-20-12 ::

Today we had fun taking our "little" to Layman's Farm with our good friends the Hilton's. 
We met the Hilton's years ago in our engaged class and have been pretty close ever since. 
They were the first to find out when I got pregnant the first time (in 07), 
because we took the test at there house. ha!  That said, they too have been waiting for big news 
to come from us for awhile. They are really great people, and a joy to be around. 
We really wanted to tell them in person so when Sara asked us to go with them to the farm I knew
that was our chance. :)

:: How I spilled the beans ::
Sara is currently 15 weeks along with baby #2. 
So I asked her how she has been feeling and if she's had any preggo symptoms, and 
she said, "no, not much, just fatigue." I then said back to her, "well, I've been really sick." 
She caught on quick! She hit me in the arm and said, "shut up, you are!?" 
haha! Yep. :)

Here's my first pregnant picture with a friend that's pregnant too. ;)


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