Sunday, September 28, 2008

Grasping It All

Growth means change and
change involves risk, stepping
from the known to the unknown.

-Author Unknown

Change has been blasting its trumpets in my heart, life and mind lately. I have been learning new things, changing old things, gaining new wisdom's, adding new habits, losing old baggage, and taking new steps on new paths that have been brought my way.

For starters I'll begin with education. Everyone, such as myself, loves the twists and turns of figuring out that the heck they're going to do with their life (NOT). This has been me for a long time now. I have several different passions which makes it extremely hard for me to narrow it down to one -IMPOSSIBLE. Can't and won't be done. I have to have my hand in all sorts of things! I'm like a kid in the candy store; grabbing at every yummy looking thing I can see. Well, this tendency of mine has caused me some frustration when it comes to picking a major and sticking with it. I have been torn between 2 things that in all actuality are pretty much polar opposites- Psychology & Fashion Merchandising/Interior Design. I have been working on my UG Psych degree and have LOVED Loved loved the thought of one day getting the opportunity to counsel/help/lead people into victories in their lives. BUT on the flip side of things I am a very artistic person who has been craving more knowledge in the Fashion/Interior Design arena and once I found out that Liberty offers a degree in Fashion Merchandising & Interiors it became an even bigger desire for me to pursue those dreams too. As I continued taking Psych classes I was torn, torn between wanting both but feeling like I had to give up one. I wrestled with the common questions such as, which is better? Which has more purpose? Which would I like better? And the big question - Which does GOD want me to do? I've come to the realization that really, I don't think God cares so much as to WHAT we do as to Who we are doing it for - His glory or our own self-righteousness? Both degrees can serve ME, but I questioned, can both serve God? Though it's hard for me to fully say yes, I know they both can. I know counseling can help people (given the right education, the right mind set, and the right heart). Counseling has been a huge help in my own personal life and I would love to be that help to others (given the time, knowledge, and resources). Now for the Fashion/Interior design, in a world caught up in vanity, I feel it is my obligation as a Christian to question my heart, my motives, and my intentions in pursuing such a degree. I think art (as in fashion/interior design + others) can be an expression of so many wonderful things. An expression of creation, of life, of all that God has given us. I think God enjoys it when he sees his creation creating things that he hadn't yet created... Not that HE didn't create them, I mean that he left them for US ,his creation, to create them, he left them into our hands to allow his treasure to be multiplied not hidden away, but used and at the end of the day, Him getting all the praise. I know I am kind of rambling, but I have a lot on my heart and mind. It is hard for me to make choices, because I so badly want what God wants and knowing what exactly he wants is a hard thing to grasp.
I recently came across this saying- and I love it. Such shorts words have given me courage,strength, and the will to try, even if failure might be the outcome of the flight.

I have realized I am an All or Nothing thinker- If I am going to try something (put time and effort into it) then it better be right and it better be perfect. Plus, when there’s something I want or something I want to do, it drives me crazy if I don't do it or get it. I get afraid that if I don't do it then I will regret not doing it. So I get stuck. Do I take the chance of failing, or do I let the opportunity pass me by and later regret not jumping?
Well I have decided to jump, but in a very nice fashion I might say- its funny because I had been wrestling with these 2 choices for awhile and not coming up with any conclusions until one day it just hit me, the light bulb went on and I just knew. It all happened like this- Kevin and I were both sitting on the couch working on homework (the usual) and out of nowhere I had a thought, something so simple, yet so profound because I hadn't thought about it up until that exact moment. I had the thought and then I looked at Kevin and said, "Um, can't you get your Masters Degree in anything, no matter the UG you have?" Kevin's response- "Yeah, with most things, yes." - My response, "Well why THE HECK don't I go for my UG in Fashion & Interiors and my Grad in Psych?!?!?!" Kill 2 birds with 1 stone! DUH! This whole time I was stuck on the thought that I had to choose 1 and only 1, when in fact I CAN choose 2! Realistically speaking if you are going to be a successful counselor it's best to have a Masters degree instead of just an UG degree. Since I can pick whatever UG- why not the other passion of mine! This works out perfect! So yes, long story long, I switched from the UG Psych degree to the UG Fashion Merchandising & Interiors degree. This means I will have to take residential classes which are going to be tricky since I work full time, but I can and will make it happen. The nice thing about Liberty is that they let you take whatever online classes they offer in your degree even if you are a residential student. So I will do all the classes I can online, and then whatever I have to do residential, I will do residential.YAY! I am excited about this change, even though the tunnel looks so long and the light is hardly showing, I know someday (Lord willing), I will get to the end.
In Other news:

I joined Weight Watchers & a Roller Derby Team! We are called the 'Holy Rollers'. I really like the name, I thought it was kind of corny at first, but it's sticking to me now and I like our logo thing- Here's a picture of the jersey's we will be getting soon in order to wear for practice:

I picked #43 to be my derby #- I picked it for 2 reasons- One being that I wanted the #7 but didn't want 07 or 77, so 4+3 = 7. Second, because one of my most favorite passages is Isaiah 43. I love that whole passage (and the ones after it), it means a lot to me for many reasons, but most of all I love it because God literally says, "I Love You" in it. :0) So yeah, that worked out well, but now I need to pick a derby name! Once you pick your name you have to register it so no one else can have it. You can check out all the already registered names at: Upper, and so on. I am having a hard time picking a name for myself. Some of my friends think I should go with ". Their are some pretty funny/dumb ones like Britnee Smears, or Bounty The Quicker Lickher. Some of my friends said I should go with “Felanie" for my name, and the more I consider it the more I like it... but I just don't know.. So that being said, IDEAS, I need Ideas! If you read this blog, then be thinking of names for me, and shoot them my way! So far we are working on actually becoming a team, you have to meet certain requirements in order to be an official team and able to play in the Bouts (they call matches-Bouts). We have had 2 practices so far, and wow is it challenging to skate when you really haven't in years. It's crazy how you are fearless on skates when you are a kid (least I was). At the first practice I was like a baby learning to walk for the first time; falling, grabbing hold of the closest thing, and wondering how the heck am I ever going to do this. About an hour into the practice I started going from a baby to a toddler then to a full fledged speed racer! ha! Something clicked and I realized the faster you go the more balance you have! Amazing, I know! ;) So, yeah, I have improved beyond the baby stage and am now trying to master the skills, which I know will take a lot of work and effort on my part, but I am looking forward to doing it. It's fun, exciting, and something new. :)

Weight Watchers- my new found love! I recently started going to the Weight Watchers meetings and doing the whole point’s thing, and I love it. I have had 3 Official weigh-ins and have already seen results. I have chosen to go every Saturday for the meetings and weigh-ins, and my first weigh-in was on Sept. 13Th. The first weigh-in is just the first time you go and they determine what your 10% goal weight loss should be for starters. Example, if I weighed 100 pounds my 10% weight loss goal would be 10 Pounds. Simple. Sept. 20Th was my 2nd weigh in, and guess what! I had lost 2 pounds - in a week! I worked out, kept to my points and lost weight! I was excited!

This past Saturday, Sept. 27Th was my 3rd weigh in and I thought I would be down another pound or two, but to my surprise I lost ::::DRUM ROLL PLEASE:::: 3.8 pounds. Totaling my weight lose in 2 weeks at: 5.8 pounds.
I was very surprised at these results, because I had had little Cesar's, pizza hut, Taco Bell, and brownies this past week, but I kept them all within my points. Even though I portioned the food out and figured my points, in my mind I thought these are bad foods, and that their is NO WAY I can eat this stuff and expect to lose weight (even though I was within my points), but to my surprise I lost even more! Weird. I guess keeping to the point, and working out really works (note: I wasn't doing strenuous work outs either- I was just walking with 2 lb. weights a jogging a little throughout the week). I really like Weight Watchers and how they have everything set up. Weight Watchers truly sets you up for success. I have learned so much within these 2 weeks! I am very excited to learn more, and to lose more weight. Yes, I would like to shed a few more pounds, but overall it’s not about that, it’s more about living a healthy lifestyle and being the best me God has created me to be. :)

In closing I will leave you with this - something much more important then anything I could ever say or do:

Isaiah 43: 1-4
43:1 But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
4 Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.