My dad would have turned 48 today.
9 years have past since I've seen him.
9 years since I have heard his voice.
9 years since I held his hand.
9 years since I knew him.
All these years feel like nothing. I feel like not even a day has gone by since he left. It's still as fresh as the moment I heard it to be true. Admittedly not as sore, but still just as real. I can't believe it to be 9 years already, it's hard to grasp, but I think I understand why.
When someone dies, your time spent with them only becomes memories and in order to feel them near your only hope is to repeat the memories over and over again... leaving your moment with them the same forever. Though 9 years have past, my memories with my dad stay the same. Everything has changed since then, everything is different, expect the memories that play in my mind. Those memories keep me; they keep me in the past, they keep 9 years from happening - they keep me there. I don't know if I'm explaining this well, but in my mind I understand it perfectly.
9 years I have been healing.
9 years I have been trying to let go. How do you. Is it possible? It is; to an extent...
9 years I have been learning what it means to let the dead burry the dead.
9 years of getting to know God as Father.
Nothing is certain. Nothing is eternal apart from Love; apart from Christ.
Grieving. What is that word? I hate that word actually, it boggles my mind, it irritates the crap out of me, and only because I long for it fully, completely and wholly. Though I don't fully understand it (grieving), I know I have gone through it -over and over again. This I am thankful for - God has NOT left me in my grief... He has given me joy in place of my sadness. He has given me life in place of my loss. He has given me MANY wonderful reasons to smile. :) :) :)
Today is 9 years later. Today I continue to move on with my life.
Happy Birthday dad.
I'm sure 48 is much better in heaven than it would have been here on earth.
