Stripped & Made New

 It's really hard to put into words all that's been going on in my heart, but I tried to convey a tiny fraction of it below. 

-- Stripped --

As I search to put words towards how I feel since entering motherhood 

one word that comes to mind is the one above; stripped. 

*many words come to mind, but I feel like this one helps to capture most all of them*

I feel like a tree stripped of it's branches and it's bark. 

Exposed & emptied of the protection I once knew. 

I'll admit, being a new mom has not been the easiest transition. 

I've cried. I've been overwhelmed. I've been sleep deprived.  

I've questioned myself as a mother and have asked WHO AM I now?  

As a couple - WHO are WE now?

I simply don't know myself as a "mother"

and who I once knew/was feels gone. 

I feel stripped to my core. 

Nothing feels the same. 

My relationships are different, even the relationships I have with my dogs (yes oddly enough). 

My daily routines are gone. 

My comforts are gone. 

My body is different.

My breasts HURT. 

I could go on..

I look at moms & dads in a whole NEW light now. 

My heart is stretching and stretching hurts. 

-- Made New --

Despite the tough feelings I'm facing, 

I'm overjoyed  at the same time. 

I'm captivated in a way I've never been before.

When I'm away from Abram I feel like I NEED to be near him. 

When I hear him cry I feel like I'm the only one who can really console him. 

When I see him smile I feel like he's telling me he loves me. 

I feel so burdened to be the best example I can be for him. 

I feel anxious to give him all the attention he needs and deserves.

I feel painfully responsible for his present and his future. 

His cries make me sad for him. 

His smell is my favorite. 

My heart melts when he makes cute noises.

I feel peace like never before when he falls asleep curled up on my chest.

I desperately desperately want him to know that I love him. 

I desire for him to know joy in abundance. 

I would do ANYTHING for this little life given to me. 

I could go on...

His needs are now my own. 

No wonder I feel stripped. 

No wonder I feel overwhelmed.

No wonder you do too mommy.

Abram has given me the best gift a person can ask for. 

He's given me the gift of selflessness. 

He's given me the chance to be made new -

- to become something greater than I was before. 

His tiny little life has forced me into deeper prayer. 

His tiny little life feels like the BIGGEST journey I've EVER embarked on. 

Wheres the map? Oh wait there isn't one. That's scary for someone who isn't spontaneous.

His tiny little self has caused me to face a big God and my faith in ways I haven't before. 

The Lord says we find life when we lose our own. 

I can see that now.

Slowly my branches are growing back.

Praying they become fuller, brighter, and stronger than before.

I am growing, I can feel it. 

Growing pains hurt, but the fruit is worth it. 

He's already a world changer; he began with this mama. 

-- Mommy loves you Abram David --

Thank you for being my world.

My friend Vanessa sent me this article. It's the BEST. Especially for new mommies. I highly recommend reading it.

TO THE MOTHER WITH ONLY ONE CHILD

Also, THANK YOU THANK YOU to all my friends (to anyone) who has given me support, advice, and love through this transition. It's been a bigger blessing than you might know. :)

Introducing

Abram David Van Wynsberg 

:: AKA ::

Thief of our hearts

:: Born ::

May 24, 2013

7.1 lbs - 19.75 in

:: Labor & Delivery :: 

-short version-

Water broke at 5:30am, May 24th. 

Contractions started 

& Abram was here au naturale at 8:44am. 

My heart is bursting at the seams with so much love, so many emotions, and so much change.

I have so much that I want to write about concerning my labor/delivery, our little guy, and all that has been going on with us during this new time in our lives. As you can imagine though - I don't have the time or energy to sit down and really type out all my heart is holding, so for now I leave you with pictures of our first week together. 

It's only right to start these pictures out with the only laboring picture we have of me. 

Here I am mid contraction. See the notecard on the bed? My sweet friend Martha put 

together a bunch of verses for me to read while laboring. The verses helped, and praying in the spirit helped too. Although painful and hard...the whole night/morning was a miracle, a blessing, and beyond what I could have ever imagined myself going through. 

I need to mention too that Kevin was the best coach. He helped me SO MUCH with my breathing. If you've ever felt a fully dilated contraction (without epidural) you too probably know it's easier to hold your breath than it is to breathe.

  Thank you babe for being my breath when I needed it.  

Daddy and his boy. We think he looks more like Kev. 

People have also said that he looks like my brother Tyler when he was a baby. I can see it. :)

Sweet drawing to Abram from his little friend Alaina. :)

Not the most attractive pics, but glad Kevin captured such a raw moment of me with my babe. 

I was bawling and bawling like a baby in awe on my little guy. 

 Grandpa Van Wynsberg with tears of joy. ;)

 It was oddly sad to say goodbye to this room.

 Waking up from his first night home. 

  This face. I could kiss it every second. 

Those eyes. I could stare into them all day.

 Grandpa was having Abram do some tummy time. 

 First time having the breeze in his toes. 

 Daddy's a good feeder. **I am breastfeeding too** - just currently having to top him off with formula. 

Breastfeeding is no joke. So thankful though that Abram latched right away. 

Sorry if that's a little TMI. ;0)

The boys being silly.

 On our way home from Abe's first appointment. 

He was 6.11oz and doing well. 

The doctor gave us really good tips on getting him on a good day/night feeding/sleeping routine. 

Praying we get it all figured out and on a good schedule. 

Thank you everyone for your support as we tackle the change of becoming parents. We are so thankful for each kind word, each thought, each meal provided, and each prayer you've blessed us with. 

Thank you!