from a house to a home

**I have this tendency to start a post and then forget to post it. I wrote this one a few weeks back and am just now getting to wrapping it up. **

As Kevin, Abram and I journey from our old home to our new one it's got me reminiscing on the past and how far God has brought me in faith and life. 

I thought I'd share a little bit of my past and you will see why my heart is stirring. I never want to become a person who is dependent upon "stuff" and material things. Although I am human and have a tendency to want nice things, I do however have this deep sense of gratitude when I do get new things (um, especially a house!) and here's a little bit of why...

It's not everyday you get to buy a house and make it a home. 

Most of my life I grew up in a trailer. For some that's just fine. I have nothing against trailer living, but in my experience it was one of the toughest/saddest times of my life. Not so much because of the trailer itself, but more so the family disfunction that was taking place during that time. 

As a young girl I dreamed of what it would be like to live in a HOUSE. 

A house that felt big where I could run and play. 

A house that felt clean and decorated well.

Most importantly a house that felt safe and secure. 

My past did not give such accommodations for a very long time. 

I remember as a young girl bouncing from place to place. For a very short time we lived in a tiny house that felt like an apartment with not so good memories there. Off and on we lived with my grandparents, and a lot of times with family friends. I remember all of those places well. 

No real place to call home. 

But somehow in the darkness of my past those places shaped me for a better future. 

When I was in about 2nd grade my grandfather bought 

us a trailer. Bless his heart. I am so grateful he did that. It allowed me to put down "some" roots. 

Although at times we were in and out of living there, depending on how things were going with my mom and dad's relationship and where my dad was mentally/physcially with his addictions.

We lived there through my 5th grade year. 

My childhood was coated in a lot trauma/disfunction to a level that generally does not sit well for a person's future being. But despite the odds, I found HOPE. God was there. He was always there. Always wooing me to himself even though I didn't know it at the time. I can honestly look back and see details of how He was there planting good seeds for my future. 

Anyways, the summer leading up to 6th grade my mom moved us in with her boyfriend whom would soon be my stepdad (and then not my stepdad).  

I felt like we had somewhat arrived. A new home! A HOUSE. A real house with a backyard, a garage, a front porch and best of all my own room! I even remember getting to pick out my bedroom carpet! It was an ugly forest green and I loved it! I had this weird obsession with green at the time. ;)

One would think that living in a house would be all you need. 

I learned over the years that the dream of living in an actual house that was "ours"

didn't necessarily mean it would feel like home and bring me all the safety and comfort I had hoped for. 

When I think of the word "home" - I think of safety. The place you long for when you need to escape the everyday world. The place you feel most secure to be yourself. The place you reunite with family and the reminder that they are your biggest fan. A place with beautiful walls and a secure roof that somehow creates this cozy-comfy-I-want-to-just-stay-in-bed-all-day-and-enjoy-watching-tv-and-never-leave kinda feeling. 

To some degree this house did that for me, but the majority of the time it didn't. 

Slowly this dream place went from being a home to just a house. 

Strife, divorce, insecurity, etc. lurked in every corner. The walls of my dream home had slowly became a source of pain and claustrophobia. I wanted out. I needed out. I left that house when I was 17 before my senior year of high school began.  

Without going into all the details, years after I left, that house ended up getting foreclosed on. It was hard for my mom, my siblings (who are all much younger than me) and I to say goodbye to it, but it was needed. 

It was time to tare those pages out of our families book and begin writing a new chapter. 

And thats what we did. It has NOT been an easy road for my family, but we're getting there. 

We have each other and God's better plans for our lives. 

I say all of this just to share that a house isn't everything. 

The people who make the house a home are everything. 

The God who dwells in your heart is everything. 

I know that ALL TOO WELL. 

God in His mercy, in His grace, in His love has been SO good to me. 

He has redeemed my past in ways that I could never have dreamed possible without Him. 

He has restored my life in such a way that I am able to make a house a home. 

I don't know what the future holds. I'm not guaranteed anything and our new home could be swept away in an instant, but what I do know is that I am blessed today, because I have a hope that travels with me wherever I go.  

No matter the place I am, home or not, God is there. 

It just so happens that I get to live out that little girls dreams through my very own family. 

Whether we have beautiful walls or ugly forest green carpet, I pray pray pray we make this house a home. A home that believes in love, miracles, truth, life, giving, abundance, joy, adventure, communication, and so much more.  

This song "Nothing is Wasted" by Jason Gray sums it all up so well. 

My Saturday

 

Well here I am, up bright and early about to try something I've never tried before. 

:: 10 Miles :: 

The longest run I had done up to this point was 6.2 miles. 

I've been running consistently since February. 4 miles most runs. 

Kevin has caught the bug and has begun running more. 

He recently did his first 10 mile run and inspired me to go for 10 too.  

It was time. Time that I pushed myself to another level. 

 

Dunks, driving us to our running destination. 

:: Downtown L-burg ::

Here we are at the start of the run. 

The trails were beautiful which allowed for some good distractions.  

I really had no idea what I was actually getting myself into. 

I just knew I needed to try. 

 

:: 10 Mile Recap ::

My breathing was good the whole run. 

I never really felt out of breath. 

It was my legs that were feeling it the most. 

Dunks ran slightly ahead of me most of the time, which for him I'm sure felt good, 

because I've been running faster then him lately.

[tee-hee, sorry babe, just had to put that out there] ;-P

If I recall correctly, miles 5 to 7.5 were the toughest for some reason. 

I'm used to stopping at 4ish, so I think at the 5 mile mark

my body began to wonder what in the world I was doing. 

It felt SO GOOD to hear my phone call out mile 8! 

After 8 I knew I could finish. 

Although mile 9 started to get a little rough, I couldn't even imagine not finishing at this point. 

Ironically, the worst part of the run was when we finished.

My legs were jello, my head was delirious, and about 30mins after, 

I started to feel extremely nauseous. 

I ended up feeling nauseous for at least two hrs after the run. 

The breakfast I tried eating after the run did not help my sickness.

I ended up throwing up three times [not fun].  

I couldn't get over the nauseousness so I took a nap

and thankfully when I woke up, I was back to normal again! ;)

 

After our nap we headed straight to Starbucks. 

I needed my coffee fix. asap. 

We sat at the bucks, and read our Bibles 

and talked about some stuff currently happening in our lives. 

I love when I get the chance to really connect with my Dunks. 

Apart from "marital" intimacy, 

there's a very intimate secret place that we experience together.

I'm sure we aren't the only couple with this secret place. 

What I mean by this is that we share conversations that I feel no one else on earth 

could really appreciate and connect with like we do together.  

When I was reading today the passages above really caught my attention.

God has that secret place with us. 

A place that is like none other.

Just Him and I. Our secret place. 

He has one for you too. :)

Some days I feel like I'm searching for this secret place 

and just can't find it [just like in marriage too].

Other days I feel like I couldn't be more hidden in there. 

I've found it, and it is good. Bringing peace to my soul.

Here's a creation I created today. 

The lines aren't perfect, but that's OK. :)

:: What's for DINNER ::

This meal is a new favorite of ours. 

It's delicious in so many ways. It's super cheesy, which we like A LOT. 

It's been a great weekend. 

Full of good challenges, good conversation, 

good creativity, and good food!

Truth be told

This is how much of a gardener I am NOT. 
I'm slightly (OK maybe a lot) embarrassed to show this picture. 
Some friends have laughed, so maybe instead of being embarrassed, 
I should choose to laugh too and own up to the fact that I fail miserably in this arena. 

Currently: This is my front "garden," more like front "weeds." 

THE TRUTH BE TOLD

In all my 6 years of living here, I've never planted a thing in our yard (Dunks hasn't either). 

So I finally got up the nerve around Easter and planted flowers. 

I was proud. I accomplished! I was a gardener! A good neighbor (my poor neighbors).
After this, it felt like I should have been handed some sort of plaque that said,"you're awesome!" 

Let's be real, this is just the left side though...

The right side on the other hand, still has flowers (yes from EASTER) sitting in the pots
desperately wanting to be planted.
I'm shocked that they have survived this long.
Rain and storm, they are still alive in the front yard, sitting next to a bag of soil that I have yet to use. 

::insert shame::

RIGHT SIDE
[only the dark pink flowers are still standing in the pots - whatever they are called]

So if you're looking for some tips on growing weeds, I'm your girl! 

Also, my sincere apologies to those of you who have come to my house 
and left wondering deeply about my poor gardening choices. 
AND apologies to any future encounters you might have in my thicket. ;) 

Although I feel like I'm living in a white trash jungle when I look outside,

the weeds made for a beautiful picture after a run one morning.

Weeds 

In my heart I carry them

Among the flowers they bloom

Thorns, prickers; sharp deceptive tools.

But beyond this jungled attraction  

Where weeds have made a distraction

You find beauty rich in soil

Your grace forever loyal. 

Running in sand & dancing in the pain

For the past several months I've felt as if I'm running in sand, sometimes even quicksand. I'm trying to speed ahead, trying to give it my all, but something keeps pulling me back from going as fast as I think I should be.  I know this pulling back and slowing me down has got to be God. As frustrating and sometimes painful running through sand can be, I'm truly truly thankful for it. His timing is perfect. His love is beyond my comprehension. I'm blessed to have a Father who sees to it that I don't take the lead, but instead He does.

This week in particular has been filled with failed "plans." In the end though we have peace, we have the understanding that God is in control, and among the craziness there is a calmness to my soul.

A friend sent me this sweet email yesterday. I am so thankful for it. God's truth is His love poured out into words.  Thank you God for not allowing "my plans" to ruin yours. :)

Email from a friend:
This has been one of my memory verses lately… I’m praying it for you today! Love you, friend. God will provide and bring blessing for you and Kev in ways you won’t even be able to understand.

For the LORD God is our sun and our shield.

He gives us grace and glory.

The LORD will withhold no good thing

from those who do what is right.- Psalm 84:11

If you are like me, stop running in the sand and start dancing in it; enjoying every minute of where God has you.

The (F)(f)athers Love - Their is Hope.

The (F)(f)athers love is not something I have been all too familiar with in my lifetime. 

Definition, in case of confusion: (F)ather = heavenly. (f) = earthly.

[this blog post is only a small fraction of my past and of what God has taught me/is teaching me]

The earthly (f)ather: my father was a struggling addict. A struggling husband. A struggling (f)ather.   I saw my father in and out of jail. In and out of work release. In and out of pain. In and out of promises. In and out of my home. In and out of my life and in and out of hope.

Growing up I knew two fathers within one. The one who loved me, who was sensitive and adored my heart. Then their was the "other," who was abusive to my mother,  and who brilliantly masked himself in drugs and alcohol. Who played tug-o-war with my feelings. Whose love was shaky, whose pain could be felt a mile away, whose strength was crippling, and whose hands were unsteady.

"Don't be like me. Please Melanie, don't be like me." Those are the words I've carried in my heart for a very long time. Those are the words my (f)ather passed along to me. Backwards right? I'd say so. As a child, these words were confusing, and as an adult, these words I have grieved. They are not natural. (f)athers should want their children to be like them. Aren't they to be the ones who set the standard of living? Aren't they called to be the model their children can reflect? Instead my model was requesting I not be like him. Who then am I suppose to be like? No idea. I wasn't given an alternative. 

Growing up I wanted to make my (f)ather proud. I didn't want to go down the path he had traveled so far down. I wanted to be different, just like he was requesting I be. It's easy to want that, but it's hard to achieve it when you haven't  got a clue or the tools instilled in you on how to go about making this happen. My "natural" tendencies were just like his. All the wishing, all the hoping, and all his begging weren't enough to keep me from following his path. Whether he wanted to be or not, he was my leader.

Without going into ALL the details, you can start to see that my view of a healthy (f)ather was quite tainted with the worlds layer's wrapped around it (more like smothered).

The heavenly (F)ather: When I was 16 or 17 (after the passing of my earthly (f)ather), I came to know a different one. One that I SO desperately wanted to grasp. One that I could feel my soul longing for. I met my Savior. I met my new (F)ather. 

I wish I could say it all came so easy, but unfortunately undressing a lifetime of deception doesn't happen overnight. I have struggled. [Struggle] for me embodies a multitude of things that I won't get into right now, but one I have struggled the most with is understanding, grasping, and genuinely feeling my new (F)ather's love. 

[since being saved] I've always understood Jesus (the Son) and his gift to me, but when it comes to the (F)ather I've always felt lost, confused,  hurt, abandoned, angry, distant, frustrated, lonely,  hopeless, and forgotten.

So, all that brings me to this: As I have been journeying through the Word this year, God has really begun to open my eyes & heart to the (F)athers love for ME. I feel my heart starting to really GET IT. Get it in ways I've never gotten it before. For so long I've understood Jesus and what He did for me, but all this time I was missing the fact that everything Jesus did and said was because of the (F)ather. THE FATHER has lavished His love upon me [as I type I still feel myself craving to understand this love more, do we ever arrive?]. Without HIM Jesus would not be. I would not be saved. 

After reading the Old and New Testament [I'm up to 2 Sam. & John], I'm beginning to really grasp His LOVE. It's amazing how long, how hard, and how much the (F)ather has been fighting for us (me). HE is the reason. HE is the one who GAVE. HE is the one who has been patiently waiting. HE is the one who has NEVER abandoned. HE is the (F)ather I've been longing to follow. 

[Then Jesus said to them, "Most assuredly, I say to you, Moses did not give you the bread from heaven, but my Father gives you the true bread from heaven. John 6:32]

His desire is that I allow Him to take the lead. That I model after His heart. That I be just like Him. Something my (f)ather never desired for me within my relationship with him. Now I'm beginning to see that as a good thing. I'm glad he wanted better for me. I'm glad he knew I could be something greater than himself. Thankfully I've found it. I've found the one I'm suppose to model. 

I may be an adult, but in my heart I'm still a child figuring this all out. I now long to make my earthly (f)ather proud by following hard after my heavenly (F)ather. 

[For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me. ...And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in Him may have everlasting life; and I will raise him up at the last day. John 6:38-40]

Dependence

I titled this post "Dependence," because the more I read the Bible the more I realize how much my dependence needs to be on God. Also, the more I read and fellowship with Him I realize how unworthy I am to be used by Him. I've been struggling these past fews days feeling guilty for not measuring up to the Love God has for me. I'm fighting a battle of guilt that comes when you realize how badly you NEED Him. I know I shouldn't feel guilty, because Jesus paid it all...so I'm trying. I press on in hopes of believing and living out the truth. I'm surrendering these feelings, and this helplessness to Him. 

The following came to mind last night while I was wrestling with this tension. 

He encamps my heart.
     He calls me to a mission of obedience,
        to a surrender of love,

          and to a commitment of faith.

Really?!? **if you read nothing in this post, please at least read the letter at the bottom**

Paul sure does sound like a people pleaser to me.

Have you read 1 Corinthians 10 lately?  Yeah, I hadn't either till recent.

Has anyone ever told you, "You shouldn't be a people pleaser," or "You're such a people pleaser!"
Yeah, I've heard that a lot, maybe not always directed towards me, but it's the word on the street.

After reading 1 Cor. 10 (& other parts of the bible) I'm starting to differ on the "people pleaser" mentality.

**Mind you, I am not/nor do I claim to be a bible scholar. It may seem that I am taking these line out of context, but the principle behind it is where my thoughts went. So take what you will with a grain of salt.

Read these lines & tell me what they say to you.

• 1 Corinthians 10:24 - Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. 
• 1 Corinthians 10:31-33a - So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks, or the church of God---even as I try to please everybody in every way. 
• 1 Corinthians 10:33b - For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so they may be saved.  11:1 - Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. 

People pleaser?

OK Paul, your saying I should not seek my own good...ever? AND do whatever I can to please people?

I think if Paul were here and I was able to ask him these questions, he would blatantly say, Yes. He then might nod his head towards me, look up with all seriousness in his eyes and ask this question back at me: "Who [pause] exactly did you say you follow again?"     


Christ. I said I follow Christ. [thinking: is this a trick question?]

{again with all seriousness in his eyes}: "What example did I say I follow?"


Christ. You said you follow Christ. 

So [pause] Paul, your saying people pleasing is a good thing?

{with all sincereness and love}: "I'm saying [pause], what did Jesus do?"

Gosh we are stupid smart people. We I clearly have trouble grasping the cross of Christ. Least I do.
[[God knew my intelligence wasn't so wise, hence the cross. I need him]]

HE DIED.  THAT is Paul's example. How am I suppose to follow that!? 

Is that really who Paul is following? Someone who blesses his enemies by dying for them? Yes. 
Yikes! I don't even know if my friends would do that for me let alone my ENEMIES!  Thank goodness someone stepped up to the plate and carried it all for us. Seriously.
Romans10:4 - Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes.

That's pretty selfless and might tip the scales of people pleasing if you ask me. Yet, I plow through life as if people owe me; as if they should love me. But Christ's example is that I should love you. 

I'm working on it. I promise. Give me grace please.  :)

And so it continues....

Love.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rom. 12:14

Do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. Rom. 12:17

If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. Rom. 12:19b

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Rom. 12:21

....But the greatest of these is love. Cor. 13b

After reading these passages, I'm inspired to become the people pleaser Christ was. 

How can we love greater? 

Lord help us get this. 

This might inspire you. 

Just as I finished writing this post Kevin (ironically) asked if he could read me an email that he received today. It's from a student he helped (while working at Liberty) who had little faith that she could succeed in school after recovering from a brain injury. Some of my take from this email is that what we do does matter and that we have the opportunity to influence people; either for good or evil, better or for worse. 

In this case it was for better: 

Kevin -
Guess what?!!!  I just completed my graduation request form!!!  Praise Jesus Forever!  He is soooo incredible!  I can't tell you how many times I felt like giving up - but He would never let me.  I just finished re-taking the one class from that not so nice prof and get this - I have an A (the prof makes a big diff).  So I have all B's and ~5 A's - not bad for a brain injury survivor!  Thank you, thank you a million for helping me with so many things, Kevin.  Your rewards are huge in Heaven, but may God bless you immensely on earth as well.

I will continue taking classes as it has helped my memory so much.  I no longer leave the oven or stove on for 12 hours at a time or leave the vehicle running.  I do still lock myself out of the house a lot - but what can you do (but hide a key - lol). 

Take care, my friend and I thank you for everything!

In Him,
Sharon


*PS -Sharon is graduating with her MBA from Liberty.

[e]Nough said.

Slumps & dumps...

...ever get in a slumpy dumpy mood?


Well that has been me lately. :( Ubber-dubber discouraged. I feel like I have this awful sense of unhappiness and disappointment inside of me. I feel like my heart is lacking a lot of joy. 
Key word here; Joy.


I desire joy. A joy that comes from God and says, "I am a child of God, and nothing else can stand in the  way of that."


As I am writing this other keywords comes to mind; peace, and confidence. Which I feel the lack of.


I desire peace. A true peace that surpasses all understanding.


I desire confidence. Not a selfish confidence, but one that drives out fear.
**the list would be a mile long if I told you all the things I fear. I want the confidence to know that I know that I know...I am simply ok {in God}.


Lately I've been trying so hard to press into God more then I do and seriously it has been ridiculously hard!  I swear the world fights {and nearly always wins} at keeping me (& possibly you) from God.

...from his love, from his joy, from his peace, from his confidence. 

Why does the enemy win?

More so, why do I let him?

I had a good talk with a friend recently, it was refreshing to say the least, come to find out we both have been struggling with some of the same feelings/disappointments in oursleves.  We both desire God more, but realize we have allowed other, I guess you can say "earthly" things get in the way.


I feel foolish admitting this, but one of those things is internet use. Yes I said it. There are days I would rather browse the internet instead of reading my Bible or praying, actually there have been a lot of days like that lately. There have been plenty of useless hours spent on unnecessary websites. Oogaling & googling at material earthly rust away never to see in heaven "things". I don't want that.


Don't get me wrong, I don't think the internet is a bad thing. I think it's awesome! That's why I am on it so much. But their needs to be a limit, at least for me. I know their needs to be a limit when I start to choose these things over my personal relationship with God.


I talk to God all day (least I try), but where is his Word? He gave it for a reason. It feels so foreign right now, and to me that is wrong, and simply a lack of discipline on my part. Laziness at best. 


With Kevin working nearly 60-70 hrs a week, it makes it much easier to fill my time with non-sense.  Kevin and I both made a promise to read at least 1 chapter a day of God's word. Pathetic, 1 chapter, seriously?!, is that all I can give right now? I guess. We started about a week ago and have been reading 1 Cor. and it's good! I don't want to read God's word out of duty, that is NOT why I choose to do it. I want to read it so that I know my heavenly father. I want to read it so that his word is hidden in my heart {right where it should be}. I want to read it so that when I do step forward in heaven he might say, I know you, and you know me.


A big fear of mine is that I will get to heaven one day and hear the words, "I knew you not, or you knew me not." whatever the saying might be - either way, I can't stand the thought of God not knowing me, or me not knowing God deeply and personally. It breaks my heart and nearly brings me to tears when I think about it too long. It's a scary thought, but a real one!


Maybe I am too hard on myself. Either way I desire to be content whether I am joyless or joyful; just knowing Christ in all His glory is more than enough.


*****I wrote this post yesterday (8th) but didn't post it because I was scared. I get afraid my words will be judged and I will be rejected by people who might read how I am really feeling somedays.  Thinking about it, that is rubbish! If I never "fail" or show that I am weak then I'm not truly living, I'm not allowing myself the freedom to be human; to be the person Christ died for. He did it for a reason and days like yesterday remind me that I am completely lost without Calvary. 


I am nothing. He is everything. 


I may be down in the dumps somedays, but that does not mean my God is not my God. 


He is and will always be.      

[[[[Take THAT satan!!]]]] I'd punch you in the face & give you a round-house kick to your head if I could, but I can't, so for now I will refrain from giving you a capital "s" in your name - you don't deserve the respect! 

I love Isaiah 43. It's always a beautiful reminder to me.

 I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

 When you pass through the waters, 

       I will be with you; 

       and when you pass through the rivers, 

       they will not sweep over you. 

       When you walk through the fire, 

       you will not be burned; 

       the flames will not set you ablaze.

Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
       and because I love you,
       I will give men in exchange for you,
       and people in exchange for your life.
  Do not be afraid, for I am with you... 

So yeah that is my heart. That is my humaness. & I don't know why I am crazy enough to share it. 

"I Am Israel"

A friend posted this on his FB & I just love it. You might too.

Press play and let God's spirit move.

Muffin Mornings...

...Yep, that's right.   {[[ Muffin Mornings. ]]}

This is a little something I came up with and thought I would share. It sounds cheesy and maybe it is slightly high on the "cheese" scale, but sometimes in order to succeed or get things done right you have to add a little bit of a cheese-factor in.

Being the human that I am --- I am human, and often fail miserably at spending quality time with God in His word.  So I started thinking about how in the world I could motivate myself to get up 30 minutes earlier in order to spend some time with God.  I know what your thinking... why get up early!? Do it at night! Well, yes I have already tried that too! I've done it, but I've also done mornings, and prefer starting my day with it instead of leaving it to the night (not saying there's anything wrong with that). Also when I was thinking about this (morning & night stuff) this scripture came to mind:

{ Psalm 1:2 }

But his delight is in the law of the LORD, 

and on his law he meditates day and night.

I don't know about you, but this scripture challenges me! I want to delight in God's word day and night!
Both.

So back to where Muffin Mornings come into play. With this challenge lingering in my heart I knew I needed to figure SOMETHING out  --- something that would motivate me to get out of bed a little earlier than normal.  In a perfect world I would need NOTHING, but realistically speaking I need SOMETHING!  Muffins.  That's what I need. I love muffins. I love them dearly.  Do I love them more than the Word of God? No, but they sure do taste good with a cup of coffee while I'm reading God's word early in the morning! :)

So yes, the muffins you see in this post are the muffins I had made last week to encourage myself to get out of bed. Did it work?  YES.  Everyday? NO.  BUT it did work! 3 days spending personal time with God due to some Muffin lovin is much better than no days at all. Am I right? Maybe.

I am on week 2 now. I made my 2nd batch of muffins to start my week off right!  The past 2 weeks I've made fresh blueberry muffins, but I think I need to switch to banana or something, that way I don't get burnt out.  If you have a delicious muffin recipe, send it my way please.  Another plus to this equation is that it's challenging me to bake more; something I don't do often.  :P

God's Word + Muffins = Motivation.

So what do you use or need to start using to get you out of bed or get you spending more quality time in God's word?  Is it pancakes?  Toast? A walk in the park?  Whatever it is, find it!  & don't give up until you do. God's word is worth our energy and worth fighting for.  Our battles are won we just need to take claim over them.

Enjoy your Muffins!! :)

Today I am reminded...

My dad would have turned 48 today.

9 years have past since I've seen him.
9 years since I have heard his voice.
9 years since I held his hand.
9 years since I knew him.

All these years feel like nothing. I feel like not even a day has gone by since he left.  It's still as fresh as the moment I heard it to be true. Admittedly not as sore, but still just as real.  I can't believe it to be 9 years already, it's hard to grasp, but I think I understand why.

When someone dies, your time spent with them only becomes memories and in order to feel them near your only hope is to repeat the memories over and over again... leaving your moment with them the same forever. Though 9 years have past, my memories with my dad stay the same.  Everything has changed since then, everything is different, expect the memories that play in my mind.  Those memories keep me; they keep me in the past, they keep 9 years from happening - they keep me there.  I don't know if I'm explaining this well, but in my mind I understand it perfectly.

9 years I have been healing.
9 years I have been trying to let go. How do you. Is it possible? It is; to an extent...
9 years I have been learning what it means to let the dead burry the dead.
9 years of getting to know God as Father.

Nothing is certain. Nothing is eternal apart from Love; apart from Christ.

Grieving.  What is that word?  I hate that word actually, it boggles my mind, it irritates the crap out of me, and only because I long for it fully, completely and wholly. Though I don't fully understand it (grieving), I know I have gone through it -over and over again.  This I am thankful for - God has NOT left me in my grief... He has given me joy in place of my sadness. He has given me life in place of my loss. He has given me MANY wonderful reasons to smile.  :) :) :)

Today is 9 years later.  Today I continue to move on with my life.

Happy Birthday dad.

I'm sure 48 is much better in heaven than it would have been here on earth.

The Land of Smiles

If you haven't heard and are loosely living on the idea that all is well in the world, well think again.

Thailand; the Land of Smiles is knee deep thick in poverty and prostitution. Women selling there bodies and ultimately there souls to wretched hurting men who pay them plenty; trying to fill a void with a momentary pleasure that leads to death and destruction.

Many are prone to wander, many are prone to sin, and few are willing to surrender and go---

except for these men and women pictured below:

Freedom 4-24 is a movement seeking to stop sexual exploitation in Southeast Asia; "seeking to rescue women enslaved in the sex industry." http://www.freedom424.org/

There is movement taking place in the world, but not just any movement; a movement of epic proportions. A movement beyond our fiber beings. A movement to capture freedom and give it away. A movement of crazy love. A movement of Salvation; Christ Himself.

If your interested in tracking with the team that is in Thailand right now check out these blogs:

{ Stacey Reighard: http://staceyinbangkok.blogspot.com }

{ The Calfees: http://www.calfeesinthailand.wordpress.com }

Love is helping people toward the greatest beauty, the highest value, the deepest satisfaction, the most lasting joy, the biggest reward, the most wonderful friendship and the most over-whelming worship; love is helping people toward God. -John Piper

...In your presence is fullness of joy...

so many things go through my mind,

so many things I can't unwind,

so many things I give to God,

so many things I can not blog.

fragile, frail press on me,

fragile, frail is where I want to be.

in weakness he is strong,

this gives hope when things fall wrong.

by his grace;

a new song my life sings.

in his face;

a new heart my life leads.

stumble upon the rock I lean on.

stumble upon... joy.

nothing out of range.

nothing for my glory,

at the end of the day.

I can try,

I make it "me", but really?

really?

forward on

i'll sing this new song

the song thats written me today.

Forgiven.

and so the chorus repeats...

Run For Their Lives

{ Freedom 4/24 }

...why we ran.

Our church put on a race called: Run For Their Lives in order to support an incredible 

cause called Freedom 4/24 {http://www.freedom424.org/}

Today Kevin, myself, and 8OO other people Ran for their lives.  

We ran for women in Thailand

who are victims to sex slavery and prostitution. 

__________

Kevin and I both ran the 10k {6.2 miles}

This was our first race!

Kevin came in at about 50mins

I came in at about an 1hr/10min.

My goal was to not walk. Goal achieved!

At around the 4th mile I experienced some big time cramps,

 they covered my whole stomach, 

but I was determined to not stop. 

Thankfully, by keeping a steady pace the cramps eventually eased up.

I was running for Tidarat & Catchada. {written on my arms}

These are just 2 women out of many who need our prayers and support.

I'm so thankful I got to run with my friend Chrystal. We encouraged each other a lot.

I think the most moving part of the race was when Chrystal and I started 

praying out loud for the girls written on our arms.  

We also prayed for the team that will be going to Thailand this winter.  

It was amazing to know we were fighting

for the lives of many whom we've never seen, 

and whom have never know what it's like to live a life apart from slavery.

___

Kevin took all the pictures today {other than the ones of himself}

{ wake up Sweety! We've got to go run!! 6am }

{ practicing }

{ ready to do this! bring it! }

{ we've arrived }

{ the people gathering }

{ good friends Chrystal & Steve - they rocked the race! }

{ geared up with our tattoos }

{ names of those we were running for }

{ pinning on pride }

{ game time }

{ "Though I am free and belong to no man, 

I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible." 1Cor.9:19 }

{ I love him }

{ the masses }

{ Justin capturing the moments }

{ freedom isn't free }

Can't wait to run again. 

Praying lives were changed every step we ran.

______

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 

1Cor.9:24-27

Nancy Alcorn; founder.

Nancy Alcorn the founder of Mercy Ministries has featured me on her blog today!!

What a privilege and honor it is to have been part of a life changing ministry. It is only by the grace of God that their is such a place to call home. So many women/girls need a place like this to find rest, help, hope, & healing... and thankfully the Lord opened those doors for me when all hope was gone. Not many know my full story, maybe someday I will share it, but really right now that isn't relevant... what is relevant is that God is real, and that our past, our failures, and our faults do NOT determine our future in Christ. My life is a testimony of new beginnings, and of Christ's love on the cross. But it's not just for me, it's for all! My heart is dear to this ministry not just because I walked those halls, but because their are so women/girls out there who need the help and need a place like Mercy to call home. If you are interested in being a part of an incredible ministry or know someone who needs help, I highly recommend checking out Mercy!

If you are wondering what Mercy Ministries even is, well it's this:


"Since 1983, Mercy Ministries of America has provided hope and healing to generations of desperate young women who are seeking freedom from life-controlling problems such as:

Our free-of-charge biblically-based program serves a diverse population of young women from various socio-economic backgrounds, aged 13-28. Many of the girls, who come to Mercy for help, are facing a combination of debilitating circumstances and have been in various treatment facilities with unsuccessful long-term results. We are committed to providing the young women we serve with the most excellent program services that allow them to recognize their self-worth and prepare them to reach their full potential. Our non-conventional approach to healing allows young women to permanently stop destructive cycles and prepares them to take hope out into their communities."

Thank you Nancy Alcorn for dreaming big and being obedient to the voice of God. Without your continued dedication to the Lord many lives would go unchanged today, but because of your vision God has and will continue to use your ministry to set captives free, and bring out treasures from the darkness.

I will give you the treasures of darkness,
riches stored in secret places,
so that you may know that I am the LORD,
the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

Isaiah 45:3

Nancy Alcorn's Blog